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You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
