I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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