You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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