you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
