Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
