I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
