Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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