Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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