Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
