Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
its liver damage thursday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
