Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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