I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think i have two assholes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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