he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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