He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
tell me about the eggs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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