I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
