meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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