The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
