don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
