God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
