Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
