I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
