They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
