Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
