walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
