my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
