Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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