If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
