i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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