It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
