i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
