You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
