official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
