Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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