oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
