I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
did you just send me my own nude
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
