Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
