Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
