I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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