I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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