It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
