I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
