i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A+ Viking dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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