And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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