KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
