I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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