We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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