I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
