Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
