she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
