I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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