She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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