I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
