you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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