I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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